Chapters # 3 and 4 - the dreaded topic for women...gossip.
But what I liked from this author was that she didn't focus just on gossip as we all think of it. She expanded it to slander and false accuser. Isn't that what we do when we gossip? The greek word in the Bible for slanderer is diabolos. In Titus 2:3 and 1 Timothy 3:11 diabolos is literally translated to "she-devil" when talking about women and gossip. I don't think that's something I want to be called.
When talking about the causes of gossip, Elizabeth lists an evil heart, hatred, idleness and foolishness. "I work very hard at "wisdom," at praying for it, at reaching for it, at attaining it, keeping it, using it, and at becoming more of a woman of wisdom. And it's shocking to realize that every time I gossip, I have just declared myself to be a fool!" Ouch...but true.
When we gossip, we not only hurt the person we're talking about, but the person we're talking to and ourselves. The person we are talking to has to figure out what to do with that information - pass it on, clear it from their minds, allow it to sway their oppinion of the person talked about, etc. That is a bad thing for us to cause for that other person. And then for us, it can change other's oppinions of us as the spreaders of this true or untrue information, and it can jeopardize our ministry. Think about it - when you gossip, you are disqualifying yourself from ministry because ministry is to help people but with gossip, you are doing just the opposite.
In the study guide, Elizabeth mentions three categories of gossip. Malicious gossip - consciously and deliberately hurtful, rationalization - you have convinced yourself that you are doing it for "the good" of the other - i.e. a prayer request or personal concern, and innocent gossip - true concern but the gossiper may be trying to prove to others "how helpful she really is." Ouch to all of these. I know there have been times that I have been guilty of all three. I found myself just last week in category three and as the words came out of my mouth, I almost gasped internally. It is so easy to get caught up in gossip - especially the rationalization and innocent gossip.
One of the women in the group asked how can you know for sure whether you are gossiping or are truly concerned. My first thought was to go to the motivation of your heart and then to think about whether you would say what you said to the person you are talking about. If you are truly concerned, you would be willing to go to that person and share with them the concern...and isn't that what we should do because talking to someone else isn't going to make anything better. In this case, it was a family matter and they needed to determine a course of action...as long as the words that are being said are not slandering the person, I cannot say this is gossip.
As we talked about last week, whatever we fill ourselves with is what will flow out of us. So if we allow our hearts to be hearts of nurture and our tongues are used to glorify God, we will not be able to gossip or slander - but will be women of high calling.
How have these chapters changed me, hopefully...I am more aware of what comes out of my mouth, what I allow myself to listen to and that I have to be aware how gossip not only effects me but the hearer and the person it's about.
Prayer: Lord, may I think before I speak, may I think of those who hear my words and may they only be to build other's up not to tear them down.
2 comments:
I am really good at finding the speck in others' eyes while ignoring the plank in my own, so I'll point only to myself in this comment. This is one topic I've really been feeling I need to work on. I don't ever want anyone to question my dedication or friendship to them by making them think that I talk about them behind their back. But if I speak gossip about others to them, then how can they trust that I won't do the same to them? I know that's how I feel when I hear gossip from others.
My devotion this morning was on how words can be blessings or curses. And I got to thinking that the one place I always received kind words was from my teachers at school! No wonder I loved it so much! It's probably why I wanted to make it my career. So, I asked myself, "do my students love to come to my class because they can always feel accepted and cared for"? Ummm, unfortunately, the answer was no. But...I want to work on it! And just today, I made sure to (sincerely) compliment a couple of students in each class. Then that overflowed to teachers...I even ended up complimenting one of the principles! And you know what was great? It FELT great to ME.
As women, we often gossip and tear each other down, but how wonderful would we all feel if we showed solidarity and vowed to work to build each other up!?
By the way, Michelle, I enjoy reading your ideas. I consider you to be one further along in your spiritual walk than me, and so I look frequently to you for spiritual insights. Please keep up this blog...even if I'm the only one who ever comments (yes, I know...purely selfish reasons...)
Thank you Amy. I will say I am struggling with this blog and feeling like even in my Bible study that what God is leading me to teach/share, no one wants to hear. God helped me last night by having not one or two but three people at the study and then also by your words. Thank you to you and God.
It is so easy to just let the words flow. It's a way we women feel connected, by sharing details with each other. But after this chapter, I'm becoming more aware that those details hurt so many people so easily.
And as you said, the more you shared positives with people, the better you felt and I'm sure the better they felt too.
Keep reading and sharing because you are my spiritual friend as well and I grow through your words too.
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